Failure or Fail-yeah!

So this is me at my first relaxation class today…

..and here is everyone else!

IMG_6587[7851]

Yep, just me then!

Epic. Fail.

It is probably fair to say that most people don’t like the idea of failing or enjoy the experience of failing. It is probably even fairer to say that we all fail at something from time to time.

So how can we bounce back and turn failure into fail-yeah?
Ditch the dwelling

When you dwell on past failures you are usually trying to learn from the experience or to motivate yourself to do better next time. The problem is that this doesn’t work!

When we think repetitively about something that has already happened, we tend to think ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ , ask impossible ‘why’ questions and then criticise or berate ourselves for getting it wrong.
We zoom in on the negatives because they represent a threat (and our fight and flight response loves zooming in on a threat) and all we end up ‘learning’ is that we are not good enough end up feeling less motivated than ever.

 

How to ditch the dwelling

Grounding yourself back in the present is a good place to start.

Notice where you are, what you can see, hear, touch, smell and taste.
This helps your brain to know ‘that was then, and this is now’.

Watch out for hindsight bias

This is a bias in which you imagine you could have foreseen an event before it happened.

You might mistakenly believe you had the information or experience that you have now. You might think something like ‘I really should have seen the warning signs’ or ‘how did I not see this coming?’

You are not a fortune teller!

You can only work with the information and resources you have at the time, which is what you did.

Remember the context
People can often take on 100% responsibility for an outcome when there were far more factors at work.
What were they? Be fair to yourself.

What did you gain?

This isn’t about putting on rose tinted glasses but it is about seeing it from a more constructive perspective.

If your relationship failed, did you learn that you could do things on your own you didn’t realise you could do?
If you failed an exam or dropped out of a course, did it give you more time to understand it fully or give you an opportunity to take stock of what you really want?
If nobody attended your first relaxation class, did you gain a bit of time to write a blog post or learn what to do differently next time!?
Re-frame

If you try more things, you are bound to fail at some of them.
Are you a failure or a trier?
If you go on dates, you are bound to encounter rejection.
Are you bad at dates or a person who is open to the possibility of romance?
Does everyone who succeeds actually have to fail a few times first?
Which way of viewing it is going to result in you feeling better, trying again and ultimately succeeding?

 

And if you don’t fancy trying any of that, you can always read the sign above your head…

IMG_6588[7853]

All the people at my relaxation class today gave me an awesome review!

If you would like to find out more about relaxation sessions or wellbeing workshops for your employees, you can check out workplace sessions for Bradford, Calderdale & Kirklees.

Published by

lemonsqueezywellbeing

I am a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and EMDR therapist, mum of 2 awesome children and founder of Lemon Squeezy Wellbeing! I offer wellbeing workshops and guided relaxation sessions to workplaces in Bradford, Calderdale and Kirklees.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s